Heat Steamroll Bucks in Game 1

Well, that was easy.

The Miami Heat said "Great, we're finally all playing together again" and then said "I really hate that Brandon Jennings guy" and then said "Oh and that Monta Ellis dude is pretty annoying too" and then "lol," before proceeding to nut-punch the Milwaukee Bucks into oblivion (but not that really crappy-looking Tom Cruise movie that just came out). As what usually happens when you pair one of the best teams of the past two decades with a sub-.500 team, the bench cleared on both sides with about 3 minutes left, with the Heat eventually winning 110-87.

I think the one question we need to ask ourselves here is this: what is a Lebron James and will another one ever come down to this Earth? The answer is probably not. Lebron went 9/11 from the field and ended up with 27 points, 10 rebounds, and 8 assists. He scored 27 points on 11 shots. 27 on 11 shots. 11 shots. Holy terminator.

Besides for Lebron James' inexplicable destruction, other players wearing all-white dominated the hapless Bucks. Chris "Birdman" Anderson went 4/4 from the field for 10 points and 7 rebounds in 16 minutes, including a monster dunk and alley-oop, earning himself a standing ovation when he was replaced by Chris Bosh in the 4th quarter. Ray Allen, the "traitor," in his first playoff game in a Heat uniform dropped 20 points and 5 rebounds, while Chris Bosh scored 15 with 3/4 shooting from the arc and Dwyane Wade had 16, 5 and 5.

A boring match-up was made incredibly fun by this record-breaking Heat squad, who have a flair for exciting plays as well as playing fundamentally sound basketball. And Lebron James is not from this planet.

Also, was anybody else mad that Jax interviewed Bosh post-game so we didn't get to see a Boshy photo-bomb on Lebron? Anybody? Ok.

Game two is Tuesday night at 7:30. Here is usually where I would give some keys for the Bucks to come back and make this a series, but let's be honest: this one is not going to be close. Ellis and Jennings actually played somewhat efficient basketball, as they only do versus the Heat, but Milwaukee just doesn't have enough offensive firepower or an answer for Lebron, Bosh, and Wade on defense to stand a chance. These next three games should just be an easy, enjoyable watch before the Nets/Bulls series for round 2.

Go get yourselves a freaking pastelito and celebrate Miami.